Monday, October 20, 2008

The Good, The Bad and The GREY…!

It’s the nature that creates and got to destroy, that’s the only way it works. Somebody said – Everything is ‘Nashwar’, others added a time dimension to it and say ‘Shanbhangur’. ! People with materialistic mindset will always suffer with the natures hit; I too belong to the class. Welcome to the world of Brands, Profiles and the late Lehman Brothers!

Well today’s my Birthday and it feels good to see myself writing. Let me take this opportunity to define the Good, the Bad and not to forget ‘THE GREY’! I take the liberty to make a little assumption here, if I want to see the gray, of-course I can. Demit I need to open the eyes to see, it’s that simple. To keep things simple for me, my father taught me only green and red lights, later I grew up and explored the amber shades. So I understand it needs maturity to feel the so called Grey.
When I get a chocolate for free, I feel Good! When Jimmy snatched it, I feel Bad! What about I have finished half the chocolate and I didn’t like it much, but I am still hungry and them Jimmy came and snatched it. I can choose to feel many ways depending upon the spur or moment (The mindset):

I feel cheated – Jimmy snatched it from me
I feel hungrier – I don’t have something in hand to eat
I feel ashamed – I didn’t shared it with Jimmy on my own
I am satisfied but angry – the chocolate was not good
I pity on Jimmy – the chocolate was not good
I feel like laughing – waiting for jimmy to have a bite
I have no complaints - I have my share and god saved me from it
I don’t feel anything, I forget it – I got to play football right there {this one is my favorite!}

Grey are not the shades of white and Black. If I believe that they are, I am for sure under illusion. The 5 senses (touch taste hear speak see) are well guarded by White and Black pillars. Grey is like sixth sense that you got to look out for, it’s not from your mother’s womb!

I just got to open my eyes to see! It’s that simple!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Easy to Forgive... Difficult to Forget…!

Today I stand up and look back, I hardly see an enemy. Then I close my eyes, I see all the wars!

Before getting deep into it let me understand what I am getting into and how deep I can go.

I hold of Navneet’s neck with my left arm and banged it against the wall. I was angry! I banged it once again, and then once again. But the intensity decreased every time I bang it as I see him helpless and my nerve cooling down. Navneet some 5.5 feet talk, good built, energetic and reserved kind of person. He pissed me off by kicking my chair in the classroom, not once or twice but at least 20 times. Actually it was not him but the influence of others which make him did that and others were having a good laugh out of the situation. He realized it was not him the moment I banged his head and no one came forward to rescue him, he was helpless, thoughtless and ashamed. I was sorry, angry and afraid of others but yet I was filled and calm. I forgave him the very next moment and it was easy!

I banged my car against the White Mountain. I was running short of time and was preoccupied with my economics lessons, cold war with the landlord, credit crunch, and chat with a sweet lady on yahoo messenger. I did knew that I was followed by a car (number 5) and it was about to hit me if I don’t accelerate as it was suppose to overtake to win the race. I was pressing hard on the up arrow key with my middle finger and missed out the sharpness of the turn ahead. I could have made it if I was not informed about the car behind me and its intention (which I have learned as I was playing this game over a period of time). Had it not been late in night and if I was not preoccupied with happening throughout the day, I could have still made it. I failed to forget things which I wanted to while playing the game, it’s really difficult!

Time as I understand it never stops. It’s an independently flowing variable affecting number of tangible and non-tangible things. It influence source of energy, nature, state of matter and what not. It also reflect on the behavior and attitude of a person, it decides the intensity and volume of hormones released in one’s body to respond to an external stimuli, and this dependency can vary with the term considered for the analysis.

If I consider a fairly short term (a week or 2) for the analysis of the responses from my brain, the parameter like Forgiveness does not vary. It’s difficult to forgive a person or action that is from yesterday. It takes time to heel up wounds and it may take it little more to buy the fact that the wound is healed. As I increase the term for my analysis to fairly long term (over an earth year), Forgiveness start sloping upwards indicating irrelevancy of those wounds in real time. If I further increase the term for my analysis to very long term (over 5 years or 10 years for a serious wound), the parameter Forgiveness tends to infinity and transforms to a new parameter called Forgetness. I can safely define Forgetness as a constant with respect to time when Forgiveness tends to infinity for fairly long term. So now I can say Forgetness does not vary over a time of 5 to 10 years (when actually Forgiveness tends to infinity). I will still remember the accident I had been through before 10 years (assuming I have not lost my senses and I was matured enough at the time of accident).

Let me further increase the term of analysis to 25 years or 40 years. I don’t have the real time data to conduct this analysis as I am only 27 years old now. But still I propose a hypothesis to explain the theoretical case. Now with this term Forgetness starts sloping upwards indicating irrelevancy of the accident itself in real time. Over a horizon of 25 years I tend to remember only critical accidents. If I further increase the term to 60 Years, ideally speaking Forgetness should also tend to infinity with time. But the very existence of human species denies accepting the outcome of this analysis. I can’t think of a person who actually has forgotten all the accidents from his life (assuming he has not lost his senses and he was matured enough at the time of accident). So with this I can safely state that Forgetness follows parabolic relation with time. It increases with time and after a very long term (more than 25-40 years) it tends to a constant value ([Y]2= 4ax). It never attains infinity.

Let me compare it with time-distance relation to better understand the results of my analysis:
Time = Time
Life = Distance
Forgiveness = Velocity
Forgetness = Acceleration

The Human life is very short to achieve an infinite Acceleration (Forgetness), that’s why it’s Easy to Forgive but really difficult to Forget, theoretically impossible in lifetime!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I am not Educated …!

Well… I am finally writing for myself, or I am just trying to convince myself that I can be educated!

I sometimes feel that I am leading my life on few basic instincts, I watch things, I feel things, I listen to things etc. It never appeals me to read, write or speak until and unless it’s required or pulled out of me from an external source of energy. I don’t remember when the last time I read a page for myself or written something for self. Just knowing how to read, write and speak sounds literate enough but way far off from being educated. Being educated signifies once genuine interest to read, write or speak. I guess that’s what the mother of innovation and creativity is, that’s what differentiates the human race, that’s what makes you feel filled and satisfied, it helps to understand the world and creates a favorable surrounding for joyful existence.

I often wonder how I kill my time if I am not doing anything for myself. It’s enough to spend 8hrs (33%) a day to struggle for existence, to earn a living, then what next? I can just recall myself lost into past or future looking for solutions to the problem which never existed or will never exist. I spend time guesstimating what’s happening in outside world though the facts are available but I have no interest to look out or to verify my guesstimates. I make lot of assumptions and come up with my own theories to understand the news I hear from this world. I define things in my comfort zone. I spend time acting as a hero in my own fiction being directed and played in my own brain, the word of dreams!

I am very good with numbers but worse when it comes to prioritizing the tasks I need to finish in a given time period. It may be due to my indecisive nature or maybe I don’t have a right orientation for practical approach to life. I do make a logical or physical list of actions to be done and I also set the priorities for the same. When it comes to doing what I observe is I finish all the tasks related to external world but when it comes to tasks I need to do for self I tend to delay in action or postpone the items or in the worst case will hide myself away from the case giving false explanations. I have spent half of my life while just getting literate. I was never interested in getting educated but the system has imposed this on me. I have always taken books as are only required to clear exams. I keep most of my books very safe and secured. I have preserved the books but lost the knowledge as it expires if not renewed periodically. Today I am literate by choice but educated by force. Though I enjoy problem solving and analyzing complex scenarios, it gives be nuts and bolts if I get to work on 2 things in parallel. I play very defensive when it comes to delivering an output. I do lot of planning and spend some time to note down point’s for which I need to revisit my deliverable. It never appeals me to actually revisit my own alerts once I am done with my output.

Now I have written something for myself today and it feels good to read it. I know what I need to do to fix it. Somebody has said when nothing is working for you just get up and start walking. Today as I write this page with 600 odd words I literally feel as if I am walking and getting some fresh air to boost my energy levels. I knew I am not educated, I also knew Why I am not? But now I believe I have done something today and taken a step ahead to start my education in real sense.

If you start today, it’s never late. If you plan to start tomorrow, it’s never comes!